Topsy Turvy
by BlueChihuahuaCrimsonFlame
Summary: Sima Yi hypnotized everyone into another world, our world.He watches their EVERY move through a television.How do they live,facing Sima Yi from time to time too? Based on other fanfics. But we are not copying, okay?
1. Before It All Happened

This is another story and yes, its set in modern and not so ancient times so dont worry. **_Please R&R. I'm prone(and still am) to losing self esteem fast. Or maybe I ran out and still posted anyway. So REVIEW!_** please?

Chapter 1

byBlueChiuahuaCrimsonFlame

Here lies Sima Yi, bored out of his wits or whatever you call it. No, he isn't dead just yet. He's just bored. His supposedly best friend didn't like bothering him anymore, since he was out chasing his "new friends", the butterflies.

He was on his "throne", the toilet, where he writes his diary. Actually, he was on the toilet without the seat. The old toilets that many tourists hate when they go to an old historical spot with the old Washroom, that's the one. Unless you haven't been there, it's annoying to squat and- oh, forget it. If you've never seen one, "look for it in the internet," as Sima Yi would bark. "After all, I created it." which wasn't true. Some other guy did that.

Anyway, Yi was writing in his diary:

_Mr. Pamphlet, my diary,_

_why is the world absolutely boring for a man of my likes? Why couldn't I live in the new world? They're so lucky to have those toilets that you don't have trouble sitting on, but WHY? I like that word... So it's a good thing Zhang He found someone else to pester, but I actually miss him. That is most annoying. I don't know why! Why? And for once, a person as devious as I am cant find ABSOLUTELY anything to do or anyone to think about and backstab. I miss the days when I get to see those pathetic peasants die! And I miss especially the days of my youth when Zhang He and I dance to some old Tibetan song…and don't tell that to anyone. Jeez! I'm starting to write like a_

He slammed it shut in anger while he sat up straight like a mime since you can't sit on the ancient toilets, his brush dry and the ink bottle inkless. But his diary fell into the pool of water below him. At least he was just pretending to sit, and he wasn't doing some excreting. But still, Sima Yi threw up his hands in disgust with a great " #$!" that echoed into the toilet room.

Then he stood up, his legs wobbling. He snapped his fingers just like when he got a good idea. "I KNOW!" he told himself, the guards guarding the toilet room (who knows why) just thought of him as psycho (no surprise) who talks to himself after losing his friend to a "bunch of stupid things," as Sima Yi would call them.

_Two weeks later…_

"I just don't understand that wad of chicken fat." Cao Cao grumbled as he stood in the middle of the crowd talking with the other leaders under the scorching hot sun. "I knew he was bad news, ever since he started eating fried frog legs, especially when we put chili."

"Don't say that about Yi." Sun Jian said. "He's your favorite, right? And what the heck is wrong with frog legs? It's good!"

"He eats it with mustard. And carrots"

"Oh."

"EVERYONE!"

The crowd hushed at the command. Sima Yi stood on the pedestal in front of them on top of an altar. He revealed a huge thin thing, a black surface with silver outlines. Everyone stared at it dumbly a 'what the heck?' expression on their faces. Sima Yi scowled. "This thing is-" he started.

"It's a thing that does absolutely nothing!" Xiao Qiao piped from the crowd, triggering a few murmurs. "I'll bet it's a fancy tray!" Guan Ping guessed. "No way! It's gotta be something you hit on people's head!" Lu Meng announced.

Sima Yi scowled and surveyed the crowd. Xiao Qiao was pestering Zhou Yu about something, who was getting pissed. Zhen Ji and Cao Pi were dumbfounded. Cao Ren was bored. Yue Ying and Zhuge Liang were smiling smugly as if they knew what the contraption is. The Xiaohu cousins (or was it brothers?) were rolling around the floor, from boredom maybe. Sun Ce was annoying his siblings, and Zhang He was still chasing butterflies, oblivious to what was going on. Jiang Wei was tugging Zhao Yun and moving around and going around through the crowd, looking for Zhuge Liang, probably. And then everyone else were either talking or racking their brains or just standing and waiting, bored.

"This thing," Sima Yi started, and everyone fell silent. Yi was satisfied. "Is called 'Television'. 'TV' in short."

Murmurs erupted again. "NOW LOOK AT THE SCREEN!" he ordered and saw a sea of eyes looking at him directly. Yi grew annoyed. "THE SCREEN IS THE BLACK THING ON THE TV!"

All eyes moved to the TV Yi was holing above his head. The black screen turned into a swirly thing, black and white. "You will obey…" Yi said.

"Obey…" they all repeated in unison.

"What I will say…"

"Say…"

"You are-"

"BARNEY IS A DINOSAUR FROM OUR-"

"Dammit!" he cursed under his breath and jabbed the buttons behind the screen to stop the show form playing. Who must've done that? Probably the trouble-maker, Zhang He, must've rigged it. Zhang He loved anything purple, even to the most disgusting thing as long as it was purple. Although he probably wanted to put a show about that Barbie in Fairytopia thing or whatever you call it (I'm not a fan of that thing) he was babbling about the week before…

"Finally!" he sighed in relief. But he looked at everyone. They were all dancing like weirdos, hopping around and twirling. Although it was amusing, Sima Yi wanted to do something else; what Sima Yi wants, Sima Yi gets. That's what he says.

The TV show was, again, the swirly stuff. "Lookie here!" he said, and they obeyed.

"Now I will magically transfer you to a dome, where you will live like those people in the New Age." Yi said. "I will be watching your every move. You will have those things called 'jobs' and you'll have those new toilets. And please, no acting like Barney the Dinosaur. Good bye."

Everyone disappeared in a flash of light. Sima Yi did his Signature Smirk. "I'll be watching…" he told the empty spot. The two guards who guarded the toilet room came outside for their break when Sima Yi started talking. Since they didn't know what happened, they assumed he was talking to himself again. They looked at each other and assumed he was really lonely, but didn't care anyway. The continued walking, hoping never to be that way…

Sima Yi entered the new room, the floor carpeted in red and tapestries everywhere except one wall. He sat on the huge plush throne (not a toilet) across that certain wall. He held a remote control and pressed one button. The huge television turned on and he Sig Smirked. He rested his head on his free palm and tuned into one of the channels, watching one of them. He was watching…

So who was his first victim? Please tell me what you think about it, and even a flame would do, as long as it's really important. If you have nothing to say about it, just put a 'hi' or something.


	2. Channel 06599

Topsy Turvy

_Channel 06599_

_Ma Chao and Zhao Yun a.k.a Justice Bee and Yun-boy_

_Ring Ring Ring RING!_ "Aaaaaaaaiiiiiyyyyyeeee!" Ma Chao screamed. "Ooops….that's not my motto….uhhhh….er….umm…ahh…OH YEAH! I want my Binky!" Binky, or should I say, the name of his blanket?

"Yes Sir! I've brought your Binky!" Zhao Yun cried. He appeared tired, as if he came from the building on the other side of town, which in fact was true. His hands outstretched, he offered the Binky draped around his neck like a scarf, the prized gold and green Binky with the initials JLA stitched in the middle.

"BE QUIET!"

"Why?"

"Should you even ask! It's Justice League time!"

Unanswered, the phone was still ringing. Ma Chao only noticed this after some time, possibly 15 minutes after their little ordeal. He noticed it because he couldn't hear what Superman was saying._ Ring Ring._

"What is that unjust noise, " Ma Chao screamed once again.

_Ring Ring._

"Sir. It's the Justice Hotline," Yun interrupted Chao.

_Ring Ring._

"Okay then….QUIET HOTLINE! It's Justice League time," Chao yelled at the persistent object. It was a miracle Zhao Yun wasn't deaf.

_Ring Ring_.

Seeing that the phone wouldn't make a move to stop ringing, he grabbed whatever was beside him, (In this case it's his Binky) and was going to smash the phone when Yun stopped him.

"Sir. It won't stop until you pick it up," he said.

"Ooooookkkkkkkkkaaaaaaayyyyyy,"

_Ring Ring._

Ma Chao picked the whole thing up, only to find it vibrating in his hand.

"T-th-that tickles! STOP THAT AT ONCE," Chao yelled at the hotline.

"But sir, you should pick the receiver up - ,"

"Where is the receiver on this cursed thing then," Ma Chao interrupted.

Yun sighed, picked the phone's receiver off its handle and handed it to Chao.

There was a slight snore on the other side of the line (The poor guy must have fallen asleep). It was inaudible to Chao.

"Hello? Hello! HELLO," Ma Chao said.

"_Wah! Oh…. um…i-is t-th-his J-j-ju-justice B-bee?"_

"Yes! Why is there another mission for the JUSTICE BEE," Ma Chao said, posing dramatically as he said Justice Bee. One hand raised above his head like the Statue of Liberty, with stars twinkling about him (Those are fireflies, mind you).

"_You're not Justice Bee. Tell me the truth. You're his wife, aren't you?"_

"What! How dare you mistake me for an inferior woman you – "

"_S-so-sorry. T-this is t-the m-m-may-mayor Liu Bei. I'm a-af-afraid t-th-that my ni-niece a-an-and n-ne-nephew h-have b-b-been k-ki-kidnapped…"_

Ma Chao abruptly put the hotline down.

"Zhao Yun! We have a mission! Down the Bee Pole!

"Sir, yes, sir!'

They slid down the Bee Pole, which was smothered in honey, changing into their respective costumes. Ma Chao was wearing a yellow and black suit with tights with a glittering black stinger on the backside of the black diaper over the body suit, glittering black styrofoam antennae included. He also wore honey-stained gloves with moth holes Yun-boy on the other hand was wearing armor and a tattered cloak, and the limited edition "The Incredibles" mask. He also brought his spear.

"To the Bee Mobile!" Ma Chao yelled.

"But sir, you didn't bring your-"

"Hurry up, Yun-boy!"

"Yes, sir!"

The Bee Mobile was a rusted vintage Volkswagen bus-like car, which looked like those hippy peace cars, with those Peace signs over the black streaks across the top of the mobile. It's maximum speed was like 15 mmph (mm stands for millimetres in this case).

_2 days later (After non stop pushing pedal-to-the-metal)_

"Yun-boy! Were here!" Chao yelled. They disembarked, only to find that they were surrounded by at least 20 bald and burly men. And in the middle of it all, was the mastermind behind it all.

"Oh! You're finally here. We were expecting you," Sima Yi sneered, "Bring out the little beasts."

"Let go of me you-". Apparently, Xing Cai was trying to get away. Guan Ping was asleep, sucking his thumb. "Justice Bee! Help!"

"Hey! I thought you're the boss!" Yun- boy said. (They know who hypnotized them but don't know about being hypnotized. So Sima Yi's just 'boss')

"Don't worry. I'll disappear later, when something happens, that is. I like the real thing."

" Stand back Yun- boy! Watch the master! I WANT MY BINKY!" the Justice Bee yelled, obviously oblivious to the discussion going around him.

After 'woo'ing and 'wah'ing and 'hiya'ing for about 2 hours Chao finally attacked, to receive 'Oooh. That tickles,' or stuff like that. Then the whole thing started again. The men decided that they were bored. So they tapped him on his shoulder, sending him into a wall. Then Justice Bee fell unconscious, without denting the papier mache wall

Yun-boy just watched calmly through the whole thing, as he was told to do. After his captain fell unconscious, he raised his spear and took them all out. The men, all twenty of them, went up like bowling pins. Yun wasn't even hurt in the process.

"This isn't over yet! MWAHAH- Oof!" Sima Yi said, tripping over his gown.

"Your crime days are over!" Yun yelled, throwing Yi into the Bee Mobile. The clearing they were at wasn't to far from the cliff that led to the sea.

"No they're not!" Sima Yi yelled, accelerating towards the cliff. "They're far from over! BWAHAHAH-Aaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiyyyyyyeeeeehhhhh! WHEEEEEEEE!"

Those were Sima Yi's last words. But that's only what Zhao Yun thought. In fact, these were some of his words while plummeting down the cliff: "Abra Cadabra Flamingo Babushka!". Then he was back in his comfy seat in front of the TV. Yi grinned and flipped the remote to another channel on is Plasma flat screen television. He turned it off and thought,_ Who's next? Probably another guy…well doy._

**Answer the question: "Who's next?" is it Xiao Qiao? Da Qiao? Or even Ma Chao revived? Keep watching! R&R.**


	3. Channel 27494

_Channel 27494_

Lu Xun pasted the final flyer on a post and wiped his brow. "It's such a hot day today……" he muttered. Zhou Tai walked past him. He was sweating too, but he was wearing a winter coat. So he was sweating way more, the coat was thoroughly drenched. Xun saw him and thought if he was being dehydrated or something. "Hey, you! Can you read my flyer?"

"Um…no. I'm illiterate."

"Anyway, I'll read it to you." Clearly the boy was desperate.

This is what the flyer said: _Gargoyle Moulder and Painter for Hire. Also does specialty paint jobs._

_Pls. Contact 4159087_.

"You're just the person I need….I think," Zhou Tai said, after several repetitions of what was written on the flyer. It was probably due to Tai's short-term memory. "I needed someone to make…..what were those things?"

"Gargoyles."

"Gargles. For my graveyard"

"It's gargoyles."

"Yadda, yadda, blah, blah."

"Should we go now?"

"Um…my mommy told me not to talk to strangers." Zhou Tai announced. It seemed like he forgot what he was doing.

"Okaaaaaayyyyyy….."

Then an ugly guy with a stubble and a pale complexion stepped out from behind the post. "Boss, what do we do with this kid?" Lu Meng hollered, holding up a huge Barbie doll. "She won't give me answers to my questions!" Although Meng hollered, he was talking to no one in particular.

At the sight of Meng, Zhou Tai screamed and tried to hide behind the leaf of paper. Tai whimpered and tried to soothe himself by sucking his thumb and rolling on the sidewalk after letting go of the paper. Meng didn't notice what had happened, so he still kept asking the doll, "Where's your mom? I want to rob her!"

_Later at the graveyard…_

"Here, and here." Tai pointed to various places on the brick wall.

"All over?" the bewildered Xun asked.

"No." Tai replied, "What gave you that idea?"

"I marked all the places for the statues, and uh…"

"What?" Tai demanded.

"It's all over…"

"So what?"

"That's about 75000000 Yuin." Yuin was the currency, invented by Sima Yi of course. Please don't confuse Yuin with Yuan or Yen.

"Okay."

So Zhou Tai left the boy alone to let him work, and so that he could continue his walk.

Lu Xun started putting the cement in the moulds. The cement was supposed to dry within 5 minutes. And it was a quick dry brand too. Zhou Tai returned shortly after the moulds had all been filled. And that didn't take too long. Approximately after 5 minutes.

"Hey! What are you doing here!" Zhou Tai said. Then he lunged at Xun's throat.

"But you hired-"

**_POOF!_**

"-me….."

"Unngghhh……" Tai groaned. In the attempt to strangle Lu Xun, his head made contact with the moist cement.

"Ouch."

Xun put the unconscious Tai on a more cushioned spot (preferably a patch of grass) and got to work. He removed the gargoyles from the molds and painted them. When he was done, there was almost no more space to breathe.

There were different kinds of gargoyles. One had an afro, another had long hair and and a rainbow hairband. Others looked like Elvis, with that super recognizable hairstyle. And there was the occasional pink tutu (like a ballerina). But most of them were orange and red with black eyebrows. Tai woke up soon after.

"Hey. That's nice, putting gargoyles all over my yard. Is it free?" Zhou Tai asked.

"No. 75,000,000 Yuin, to be exact."

"Okay"

Tai look at the wall. He seemed quite confused, as if there was something wrong. "Why is there only one grey one?"

"I ran out of paint so….. oh great" Xun slapped his forehead.

"Why?"

"That one was red. And then I thought 'Why isn't there a grey one'. And then I looked for grey…."

"Spit it out."

"I painted it in watercolour." Then right after, it rained. Of course, the grey was washed off, so that gargoyle became red again.

After being paid, Zhou Tai drove him out, forgetting why he paid him. Of course Xun kept the money, And who knew that graveyard caretakers could be so rich?

His next job was to paint Mayor Liu Bei's house. Of course he painted it like fire. After everybody who helped Xun paint left, including Xun, Sima Yi appeared. He started cackling. And cackling. And cackling. He kept on cackling so hard that he forgot the reason why he was cackling. "Oh yeah!", Sima Yi said, a light bulb appearing over his head. He lit a match and threw towards the house and melted into the darkness that was swallowing the sky.

_Riiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnngggggggg!_

The fire alarm went off. Xun woke up with a jolt. He was a volunteer fire fighter, but he didn't go with the fire truck. He was more of the guy who would tell the fire truck where to go through radio or stuff like that.

"Wake up!" Lu Xun yelled.

The captain, Gan Ning was an exceptional sleepyhead. When the fire truck finally got to the site of the fire, the building was usually half-burned down already.

Anyway, this was one of those days when Gan Ning had coffee before sleeping, so he didn't have too yell that loudly. Once, he got laryngitis from shouting at Ning.

Going down to check on the truck's equipment, one of his thoughts crossed his mind again.

_Why is the fire truck blue?_

Well, sure, he visited other places before, but not one fire truck was blue.

_Lucky towns, at least they get fire trucks. We get water trucks! There are even pink dolphins on the side. I mean, who would paint a fire truck blue?_

His thoughts were interrupted by Gan Ning's forever cheerful voice. "Whatcha doin' eh, Xunie-boy?" he said, ruffling Lu Xun hair.

_Oh right. An annoying fire fighter captain._

"Checking the equipment."

"Right. C'mon Tongie! We don't wanna be late right?" Gan Ning yelled, completely changing the topic.

Ling Tong appeared. He was kind of new here, and he never really got the hang of sliding down that pole.

_**CRASH!**_

One of the fire engine's spare rims (those are the covers for the wheels) spun around in a circle before coming to rest on Tong's foot. He had fallen off the pole, ricocheted off a shelf and ended up on top of pile fire extinguishers.

"No sleeping on the job, Tong! Get up!" Ning yelled

_And look who this is coming from,_ Lu Xun thought.

Tong stood up and rubbed his back. Before he even got to say 'I think I broke something', Ning pulled him into the truck and drove off. He didn't know Xun got on too.

When they reached the house, it looked like it was in perfectly good shape. It was exactly the same house that Xun painted earlier. But he didn't know that. How would you know if the whole street had the same house all painted like fire but by different people and style? They didn't know it was on fire, even though the owner Zhang He said it was. He was like a crazy person to Gan Ning. So they left. And in the morning, the house wasn't there anymore.

Lu Xun passed by it in the morning, and he believed the story that everyone believed. That the house was abducted by aliens. And Zhou Tai also filed a case on the aliens, demanding his money back.

Sima Yi flicked the off switch. As he was refilling his catsup popcorn bowl, he had already thought of his next victim, who was probably Da Qiao or Zhang He. Or maybe even Huang Gai.

So who was it? That will have to wait for a long time, maybe.


	4. Channel 75785

Okaaay… so this is the next chapter of Topsy Turvy! I'm not sure what number… chapter something oh well… Meh. And yeah it was a request to tone down the abuse. Ok ok will do it. We might've overdid it anyway haha sorry folks! R&R

_Channel 75785_

_Jiang Wei and Zhou Yu_

_Chicken Tenders_

"Mama hen!" Jiang Wei yelled for no exact reason. His partner kept silent, picking the eggs from the hen house. "Mamaaa!" he yelled again impatiently, flinging hay at his silent partner and poted. "You're not answering me!" he wailed.

"Oh what!" Zhou Yu snapped, raising his head from the house and crunched a green egg which was painted by Jiang Wei for no good reason in his fingers in the process. He glared at the oozing liquid.

Jiang Wei wheled around and looked at the cows. "Can I take a break?" Wei asked, delighted that the attention was on him. "I wanna eat my Pretz, daddy."

"Oh for-" Zhou Yu was clearly going to blow up. Smoke was coming out of his ears, literally. "I'm NOT your father!"

Wei fanned the smoke with Yu's hair, which caught fire, and the smoke from the outside stopped. "TAKE THE FIRE OFF MY HAIR!" Yu screamed into Wei's ears and a chicken perched on Yu's arm, cocking its head to the side. It squawked. "NOOOOW!"

Quickly Wei took the basket from Yu's grasp and smacked the Easter eggs onto Yu's raven hair, and the egg yolk stuck to the chicken, who stayed there cocking its head from side to side and clucking. It pooped. Yu screamed.

He ran around flailing his arms and ran outside into the farm. The chicken fell into a barrel of dye and died and Wei tried to rescue it by doing resuscitation. Another chicken which was black and green striped came out (Jiang Wei insisted on dying it, which is why there was a barrel of dye) and chased Zhou Yu. "The hen! THE HEN JIANG WEI!" Yu cried out. It perched on a root in front of Zhou Yu and glared at him.

An innocent cow munched on his boot, lost interest, and left. "My designer boots!" Yu wailed. Wei came along, skipping around and singing "Ring Around The Rosie".

The hideously dyed chicken stood like a cowboy, including the sunset and a tumbleweed. In this case, it was a dust bunny from the farm house. Jiang Wei came into the picture and added a small blue ski hat on the hen. It snarled and bit Wei's finger. "Ouch!" he yelped, sat off in a safe distance, put on a cheerleading outfit and ate popcorn.

Zhou Yu picked up the dust bunny and threw it at the hen without interest then lunged at it.

"My hen!" Wei wailed, transforming back into his green overalls. He tied his hair into pigtails and ran to the hen. He accidentally hit the flashlight (or the sunset) and it bounced on the hen. It became paralyzed. "Don't you DARE!" it cackled. "DON'T HURT ME, SIMA YI!" then it disappeared into thin air.

"Hey boss?" it was Lu Meng (again). He searched around and took the paralyzed hen from Jiang Wei. "Isn't this the thing you were looking for?" He stared at the sky, waiting for an answer. Wei semed amused at the smelly stubble-faced guy.

"Who are you?" Wei asked, poking his face. "Ouch!" he pulled back and shook his hand. "Your face is sharp!" he said, amused.

"You can see me?" Meng asked Wei in amazement. Boyue nodded. Meng groaned and stared at Wei. "I need to kill you! If you-" he lost interest and looked at Zhou Yu. He pulled out a pair of scissors and lunged at Zhou Yu, who was indeed caught off guard.

Scissors and raven hair were brought together and what happened? Zhou Yu froze in shock. His body went numb at the sound of the snip. He turned and glared at Lu Meng, who was oblivious to the death glare, since he was busy looking for a paper bag to put the hair in.

"I finally stole something, boss! Look at it! Isn't it GORGEOUS!" Meng yelled. "I STOLE SOMETHING!"

"Zhou Yu…" Wei tapped Yu's shoulder. "I wanna eat a pancake. Can you cook me one?" he asked in his baby voice. Yu tried to suppress his anger but he couldn't so he screamed and all the chickens ran away and fell into the river. Jiang Wei scuba dived and retrieved all the soggy dead chickens and buried them all in the henhouse, under the hay which was dumb since flies messed around and dogs ate the bodies. And Wei still waited for the eggs to appear everyday.

Sima Yi slouched and hit the remote control to a pause, frowning. The show wasn't that nice at all…in fact it was BORING. He muttered under his breath and sighed. He fell asleep.

BRVMSRWEUH VB

Indeed the chptr was VERY boring. Sri abt dat coz i was d 1 hu wrote it nd m nt god at dis kind of thing… sri.


	5. Channel 43091

ELLO!! It took more than 4 months for this story to get finished. Thank the writer's blocks and school for that. This might not seem 4-months worthy, but still…R&R

I'm probably going to concentrate on my Kingdom Hearts Topsy Turvy now, but I'll be updating this from time to time.

Disclaimer: Dr. Zeegbar Eegah doesn't own KOEI, Sora OR Mr. Lolly. He does own prescription papers.

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Pang De is an amateur Croc Hunter who doesn't do anything

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Pang De was watching TV as usual, waiting for the alarm clock to ring. (Unlike most normal human beings, he sets his alarm clock at 2:00 P.M. **EVERYDAY**)

Well, De (finally) had a reason to set his clock to 2:00 P.M. He finally got a job interview, but he didn't know what job he was getting. (Weird, I know) He got fired from all his jobs so far, but he was going to single **that** part out.

_**RING!!!**_

De stood up and reluctantly switched off his TV. He looked at his reflection in the mirror. Same old helmet, shirt and pants.

_**RING!!!**_

"Unfair. And I was just beginning to understand that Dora show," De sighed. He stood there for a while, thinking what was so important today. (I _think_ he forgot) Then he looked at his watch. " OH SHOOT! I'm LATE!"

De skidded down the corridor of his apartment, dashing down the stairs. (The elevator took too long) Rushing out the front door of the building, he half-walked, half-ran all the way to the office building.

Along the way, he tripped on exactly **twenty-seven**, yes** twenty-seven**, banana peels. In a row. As if **someone **had left them there. On purpose. After picking himself up for the twenty-seventh time, De thought to himself aloud, "I remember eating twenty-seven bananas yesterday, and I think I forgot to throw them away." Then some passerby stared at him, as if saying 'Hey, this guy is crazy'. Not like De noticed.

Pang De arrived at the building out of breath. He climbed the steps for what felt like eternity. He looked down, as if expecting a beautiful view like at a mountaintop. He saw…the floor. (What else??? By the way, there were only two steps.)

De pushed open the glass doors, to see what seemed like the tallest building in history. He went up to the receptionist.

"Hi. How may I help you?," the receptionist asked disdainfully. She looked like a person who would spend hours in a salon. She was snobby, in short.

"I, um, applied for a, erm, job here…yeah."

"Oh, I, like, thought you would, like, you know, look better. Anyway, like, go through there," she pointed with a newly manicured finger at a pair of wooden doors.

"Ok. Uh, thanks." De answered, puzzled. He did look fine right? He checked himself in the mirror!

De walked across the hall, his shoes squeaking across the newly polished floor….**WHAM!!**

A certain somebody had just happened not to see him and knock him over.

"Haha! You can't catch me you cops!" Lu Meng yelled, his shouts echoing all over the hall. (He wasn't being chased by anyone, mind you.) Meng was waving a green gummy bear over his head. He 'stole' it from a free candy dispenser.

"You want this back don't you?! HAHAHA!!! Wait till the boss sees—OOF!" In all his excitement, or whatever you call it, Meng had run into the completely see through entrance door. He slid down with a squeaking sound.

Pang De, after brushing himself off, wondered how someone could run into a completely see through glass door.

As he walked into the small conference room, he saw a table and a white blur spinning around on an office chair.

"AAAAAAH!!! GHOST!!!" De screamed.

"AAAAAAH!!!" The ghostly blur hurtled off the office chair and into the wall.

"Ghost?!?! Where?!" A man wearing an afro, huge sunglasses and a white tuxedo stood up from the swirling dust, looking around quite frightfully.

"Oh, sorry. My mistake. I thought _you_ were the ghost."

"Ha! Me? Ghost? Hahaha! You must be joking. You look more of a ghost than I do!!" The man looked sinisterly like Sima Yi. But, obviously De didn't recognize him.

"Um, are you Mister…….," De looked at the bronze plate on the table, "Wonkyfuss? What kind of name is that? Honestly.," he started laughing and snorting, then he got bored and started snorting and laughing.

'_I _knew _this would happen. Wonkyfuss is such a stupid name,_' Sima Yi thought, "DON'T LAUGH AT THE NAME, YOU INSIGNIFICANT LITTLE—," Yi's, shall we say, _outburst_ was cut in half by Pang De's quavering, not-so-proud-anymore voice.

"I-I'm s-so-sorry M-mi-mister W-wonk—," insert snorts "yfuss. I j-just need a j-job. Ar-aren't y-you t-the b-bo-boss? P-please fo-for-forgive me…"

"Well, that sort of thing happens all the time, even my secretary," Yi glared at the door as if it was transparent, in the direction of the receptionist counter. His tone of voice changed as he said the word 'secretary', "can't resist laughing at me. As of the moment, I am willing to forgive you. We have a worker shortage right now."

"Oh really Mr. Wonkyfuss? Really? Thank you so much!" De's quavering voice had disappeared now.

"So what makes you think you are qualified for this job?" Yi said, all traces of the _argument_ that had transpired earlier gone.

"Ok, so, um, I think I'm qualified," De even brought out some speech paper which could have been mistaken for a receipt that cost, well, a **LOT**. Anyway, on with the speech, " even though I'm afraid of ants, bunnies and—," Sima Yi groaned.

"Don't you know the rules?"

"No…" De admitted.

"Take the helmet off. Now"

"I wouldn't try that…"

"RAWR!!!!"

Yi jumped off his chair and onto De's head, trying to wrestle the helmet off his head. De, on the other hand, was trying to get Yi off his_ head_. And so, the battle between Yi, the helmet and De began.

An hour later, Sima Yi slumped exhausted onto the floor. De smoothed out the wrinkles in his shirt and picked up his paper.

"And as I was saying, I'm afraid of ants, bunnies and snails…."

In his boredom of having to listen to the speech, Yi pulled out a bottle of liquid from his table drawer. He drank from it, unaware that it was dishwashing liquid. (How'd it get there?) Yi then slipped slowly into sleep.

0o0o-Sima Yi's Mind-o0o0

That was…good. I've never tasted stuff like that… Hmm… Well, fortunately, Pang De wasn't Cao Cao… This speech is WAY more boring than Cao's… I suddenly want some chocolate milk… Where's that secretary when I need her… I'm going to dream now…

(His mind is really predictable isn't it?)

x - Sima Yi's Dream – x

Yi was walking through a field of brown flowers. He skipped around enjoying the aromatic fragrance of… chocolate?

The chocolate brown sky was overcast, the floating sienna clouds showing ominous signs of raining any second. Not that Yi was paying attention. He was too busy slurping down the tasty, brown, chocolate flowers.

Drip. Drip. Drip. The sky was raining…(you guessed it) chocolate milk!!!

Sima Yi looked up and opened his mouth and started singing Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head.

Thump. _Thump. _**Thump. **The thumps were getting louder. And by louder, closer.

Yi turned around with his hands on his hips, as if trying to scold whoever might be ruining his day.

"GROOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAWR!!!"

It was a huge, chocolate _Godzilla._

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!"

Yi screamed.

0o0o-End-o0o0

Oo - Two Hours Later- oO

Yi started hiccupping and woke up just before De ended his speech.

"Well, -hic- Mr. De –hic- congratula -hic- tions, I believe –hic- you have a new –hic- job." Yi managed.

"YES! Thank you so much, sir! Thank you!!" De was already jumping up and down with happiness. It was a wonder he actually understood what Yi was saying.

"You start –hic- work tomor –hic- row, 9 AM –hic- sharp."

"Yes, sir, boss, sir!" De, full of excitement, dashed out faster than you can say 'Supercalifragilisticexpialidoshus'. De screamed.

"EUREKA!"

The receptionist sneered at him. "You like, smell worse than, like, I do." (Geddit? You Reek A? Nevermind.)

When Yi realized De was gone, he paged his secretary.

"Hey, buy me a carton of chocolate milk, will you? Make it snappy."

De made his way out of the building. He was so happy you couldn't really tell if he had just found out he got cured of cancer or if he jumped off the tallest building in the world and lived, no parachute, bruises or whatnot. Of course, this is VERY far from the truth.

"I WILL SURVIVE!!!" Pang De was singing out loud on the sidewalk,_ "New MP3, here I come!!!"_ Suddenly (and unremarkably), he tripped.

"OOF! Who tripped me?!"

Looking around he realized he tripped on… a walnut.

Anyway, not letting the walnut deter his mood, De headed home still singing, unaware of the many glares sent at him.

The Next Day 

De's first day of work. What a day. When he entered his new office, he found someone already spinning around in _his_ chair, much like Yi the day before. He wondered why everybody here liked doing that. And that meant….

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"

De didn't have time to duck, and the new guy crashed into him. When De opened his eyes, he was looking into deep-blue eyes, the color of the sky on a sunny day. The boy/ man had somewhat spiky brown hair. His appearance wasn't much. T-shirt and baggy cargo pants. He was a few inches shorter than De (helmet included). He seemed more air-headed than most.

"HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! I'M SORA! NICE TO MEET YOUUUUUUU!!!!! I'M GONNA BE YOUR ASSISTANT!!! I LIKE BUNNIES! " (Sora's from Kingdom Hearts.)

The loudness of the greeting sent De through four offices' walls. It was a miracle he was still able to hear. After checking if he was deaf, De slipped into unconsciousness.

The rolling, bouncing movement of the vehicle woke Pang De up.

" About time you got up! You see, we're supposed to get a video of you and salt-water guppies. And then Mr. Wonkyfuss said I can get lollipops!" A dreamy smile crossed Sora's face.

"I sooo do NOT want to be here." De muttered. He tried sticking his head out the window to get a better view of where he was. He didn't find out where he was, but he managed to get his head (helmet) hit on the open door of a parked taxi.

"Ooooooowwwwwww" De rubbed the back of his helmet. It must have hit hard. Really hard. (Guess why.) Anyway, De managed to get a few sentences out.

"Well….erm……uh…",

"Sora! Sora! Sora! ", Sora squawked, like the seagulls in _Finding Nemo_. He even waved his arms around for effect.

"…Sora….did you…say…salt..water…guppies???" De had a hard time

"Yuppity yup!"

De considered the situation. Listing his fears down, he thought about what would happen.

Pang De's Fears 

10. Aprons

9. Ostriches

8. Lemons

7. Bundt Cakes

6. Sora (Wow, he's up here already)

5. Gloves

4. Hamburgers

3. Salt Water

2. Salt Water Guppies

1. Rabbits

Weighing his options, the situation was NOT looking good at all. Not at all.

"We're gonna donut now!!!!YAY!!"

The pink beetle spun in several circles, till coming to a full stop. De hurtled out of the windshield like a cannonball.

De landed on the wooden boards of the dock. Luckily, nothing was broken but the wood seemed…wet. (No, not _**THAT**_)

Then a guy yelled, "Hey! I was paintin' that y'know?!"

It took awhile for the statement to sink in.

"Oh! Sorry, sorry…ah.." De said

"Well, ya betta' be sorry! I gotta get anotha' can now, y'know?!" The man walked away muttering curses under his breath.

De, still stunned, stood up a little too slowly.

The man came back, holding another paint bucket. _"Oh, man. I'm in for it."_, De thought.

The guy started speaking in a British accent, "Now, if you don't mind, I was painting that. Please step off the paint, will you?"

Pang De thought his day couldn't get any worse. How wrong he was…

De started off the dock, trying in vain to see what color his pants were now. (They were neon green, by the way.) But, unfortunately, the wood under De collapsed and plunged him into the water.

Pang De screamed like a little girl as he fell into the water. He closed his eyes and stopped falling.

"_Hey, maybe I _should _close my eyes more often. I fall way too much." _However, when he opened his eyes, he realized he was standing in water knee-high. Salt water, mind you.

"Omigosh, omigosh. Omigosh." His fears got the better of him as shivers rolled down his spine. De felt movement around his ankles. "Omigooooooooooosh…." Daring not to look down, he started calling for help.

"Hey, lady!", he said, seeing a flash of pink clothing, "call for help, will you?"

"Who, me?" A rather manly face popped out from the rim of the pit.

"Oh, sorry, I thought you were a woman."

"I _am_ a woman"

De sweatdropped. "Hurry up, will you?!"

"Well, you don't have to be sooooo rude about it", the "woman" retorted.

De rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

Soon after the encounter with the "woman", a rope was lowered down into the water. When he was safely two feet distance from the water, he looked down. And to his utter dismay, the spot he was standing in just a few minutes ago was occupied by a _**huge, **_I repeat, _**huge **_salt water guppy. De scrambled up the last length of the rope like a hungry monkey looking for bananas. Before fainting, De heard some **guy**, speaking like a hippy, say something along the lines of 'Hey, I just saw a guy wearing a helmet scramble up a rope like a hungry monkey looking for bananas. So much for sane people.'

When De regained consciousness, he was, apparently, on a boat. A dinghy, to be exact. On a dinghy with Sora, of all people. Sora in a _**rabbit **_costume, of all costumes.

"AAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIYYYYYEEEEEEEHHHHHH!" De screamed, for the second (or was it third?) time today.

"AAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIYYYYYEEEEEEEHHHHHH!" Sora yelled, in an attempt to mimic Pang De.

"Welcome to the S.S. Bundt Cake!" Sora said, " I named it myself!" He grinned like a total idiot.

De twitched. "B-bundt C-cake???" , De nervously asked. Sora didn't seem to be listening, so he tried another question.

"What exactly are we doing here? We're not moving!"

"Yeah, I know. Mr. Lolly (Sora's imaginary friend) told me to feed the engine pancakes, but we don't HAVE pancakes. So much for Mr. Lolly's idea", Sora pouted.

De immediately stood up and peered over the side of the boat.

Open sea. Nothing but open sea. De frantically walked around, searching for fuel. (The dinghy's too small to run around in.) Not a single drop left. He guessed _someone _had the brains to leave dock with no gas whatsoever. They didn't even have a oar, for Zhuge Liang's sake!

For a short while, De was tempted to cut Sora up into fuel, but realized he was too…. lowly to be used as an energy source.

Pang De found that he hadn't eaten for more than twelve hours and counting. He was _starving_. He asked Sora, in a murderous tone, what food they had left, cleching his fists. Many different ideas were already springing up in his ravenous-stomach-controlled mind. _"Please don't be hamburgers. Or lemons." _De thought, desperately.

"I think we have hamburger and lemons", Sora said thoughtfully.

"_Drat"_

" I can make hamburger lemons or lemon hamburgers or……TEA PARTY TIME!!!"

This statement was followed by a eerie silence.

Then Pang De decided he couldn't take it anymore. He grabbed a nearby sledgehammer (how'd it get there?) in preparation of smashing a certain _someone_ into lots of tiny little pieces. But De heard a caw. Followed by dozens of other caws.

_Caw. Caw. Caw._

De looked up and saw a flock of crows heading straight for him. Or rather, straight for his shiny, newly polished _helmet_.

_Caw. Caw. Caw._

"Oh dear", De sighed, before disappearing in a cloud of dust.

----Epilogue----

Pang De and Sora were rescued after two days.

De looked as if he was dying of eating too much hamburgers.

Sora was missing two fingers, which were later found in De's stomach. Sora didn't mind.

De spent the rest of his life in rehab. He was suffering from severe paranoia.

Pang De was also fired, by the way.

O0o---End---o0O

Hoped you liked it. I won't be spending much time on this anymore, but I will continue writing. Depends on my mood and my writer's blocks really. And please tell me if saltwater guppies exist. Pleez? Now, if you would just press that button over there and type something….Much appreciated! My apologies if Pang De's OOC but that's what I do!

--Sincerely yours,

Dr. Zeegbar Eegah


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